


Broken Souls

by n7ghtress (prec7ous)



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 'Estranged friends', F/F, Kidnapping, Loosely based on Jessica Jones AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 21:37:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7331506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prec7ous/pseuds/n7ghtress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following a freak-encounter nearly two years ago, Raven alienated herself from everyone else. The only one that still makes an effort is Octavia, but Raven is convinced that she doesn't deserve her even as a friend so she continues to keep her at arm's length. She's forced to reconnect with some of her friends when Octavia goes missing and she's to blame. Or is she?</p><p>TW: expletive usage; violence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You don't have to be familiar with the comics/tv series of Jessica Jones. It's not the same anyway. All will be revealed/explained along the way.

"Well, fuck this stupid thing!"

Raven is unaware that a certain younger brunette is casually leaning against the front door of her apartment and is currently staring at her. Octavia's hand fidgets with the need to help the woman out but she knows that when Raven is pissed at her brace, it's better not to offer help or even comment on it.

Octavia cannot not do anything either. She sees the other woman reaching her limits. "Do you want some coffee?" she speaks up and startles the woman who momentarily tenses up while her brain analyzes the voice.

A small smile appears on Raven's face and she has to consciously remind herself to school her expression into something a bit more neutral. She clears her throat and turns toward the woman who evidently broke into her apartment – again.

"Yeah, sure. Thanks. What brings you here, O?"

Octavia is already walking towards the kitchen. She sighs at the question like it isn't obvious why she's here. Raven would've missed the exaggerated exhale if it wasn't for the fact that she's following her to her kitchen. She tries to at least. It's more like she's wobbling on one leg as she drags the other one along. That damn leg is making her life miserable.

"Can't I just drop by because I miss you?" Octavia shakes her head in disbelief. She doesn't want to argue but can't just let it slide when her feelings are getting dismissed like this. She also cannot believe that Raven doesn't give a fuck about her. She doesn't want to believe that even though everyone tells her to 'just give up already.' She wants to say so much more but bites her tongue – figuratively and literally. After all these years, she still has trouble to not, not speak her mind.

Raven bites her lip, not knowing how to reply. She really likes it when Octavia is around but the conflicting feelings are often too much to handle. She instinctively wants to reach for the whiskey now that they're in the kitchen but keeps her hands balled up into fists instead and tries to clear her mind.

Of course, this is the moment that Octavia decides to turn around and face Raven. Her eyes flit towards Raven's hands before she drops her own gaze in what Raven assumes is defeat. Octavia's voice is barely above a whisper when she speaks next.

"I can also just go. Yeah, I'm going." She mutters the last part more to herself than to the other woman. As she turns away toward the front door again, all sorts of thoughts go through Raven's mind. The most prominent one being: ' _don't let her leave like this, you idiot._ '

Octavia is already at the door when Raven suddenly surges forward and trips over her own feet – or brace in this case. She curses in Spanish as she lays splayed out on the floor.

The younger brunette tries to keep silent, tries to take this serious but to no avail. She bursts out into a laughter that is soon turning to be uncontrollable. It really doesn't help when Raven glares at her. Octavia knows that look, though. She knows that Raven doesn't know that she can distinguish her glares, but this one has no malice behind it, so she can laugh without getting into too much trouble knowing that Raven is fine. Besides, she's the toughest woman Octavia knows - she'll be fine.

Raven puts her arms over one another and pointedly stares at the wall in front of her. She's not really mad as she would probably laugh if someone else fell as comically as she did. Her brace definitely needs to be looked at now. She's not even sure she can get up and doesn't want to try and fail in front of Octavia.

Still giggling a little, Octavia walks up to Raven. "M'lady," she jokes while extending her hand for Raven to take. Raven hesitates for a second before accepting the help.

"Thanks."

Octavia jokingly takes her hand, kisses it and takes a mock bow. Raven has to fight to keep that smile off her face. The glint in her eyes still shows and Octavia feels a surge of emotion knowing that she can still do that to Raven. And was that a blush?

This is the thing that Raven misses and loves so much. This is also the thing she cuts short whenever it comes up. She can't allow herself this pleasure. So she stays silent. She looks at her brace, trying to figure out what to do with it.

Octavia sees her eyebrows furrow. She observes the brace herself in one quick glance, careful to not let Raven notice she did so. Raven spots her anyway. A scoff threatens to escape as she knows the women already analyzed every problem in the device already.

Raven clears her throat, ready to move this along. She's done talking for the day. Actually, she isn't but, damn, she can't let Octavia in. She just cannot. Before she can say something she's bound to regret later, Octavia speaks up.

"I'm going to take your brace with me to fix. You either use your cane in the meantime or come back with me?" Octavia's voice started strong with a statement, not a question but she ended rather weakly. She internally scolds herself for it.

"OK," Raven relents easily.

Way too easy for Octavia's taste. Calling her surprised would be an understatement.

"Wh-what?"

"I said OK," Raven repeats.

Octavia perks up. "OK, great! Shall we go now, or...?"

"I meant no… I'll use my cane. Bring it back when you're done?" Raven's voice is unsure and full of doubt. Octavia knows it's because the woman thinks she'll take back her offer. Little does she know that she'll take everything she can get right now.

"No problem, how does tonight sound?"

"Sounds good, O." Raven is pretty sure her voice gave away her excitement at the younger woman returning later.

Octavia tries really hard to keep her composure and to refrain from hugging the woman standing before her. "Where's your cane?"

Raven frowns for a second, not understanding why she needs to know before she remembers she's standing in the middle of the hallway with a banged up brace.

"Bedroom closet, you'll see it right away."

Octavia hurries to retrieve the item and can't help but quickly glance around in the room. It's much cleaner and neater than she imagined it would be. I mean, yes, it was a disaster, but she imaged a shit storm of empty bottles and clothes all over the floor and bed and files everywhere. There were a few bottles; empty as well as half full and there were clothes on the floor and wait – is that?

When she opens the closet, her eyes fall upon a note sticking out of the bottom of a pile of clothes. It looks like her own handwriting. She grabs it and turns it around. She already knows what it is and her heart nearly beats out of her chest. Raven kept it. She kept the photo of the whole gang at graduation. In the middle are Raven and Octavia smiling brightly at the camera. Well, Octavia is. Raven is looking at the woman beside her and smiling widely. Those were good times. Octavia can't believe she kept it and knows it must mean something even though it's tucked away.

She hears Raven calling out to her; asking why it's taking so long. She quickly puts the photo back where she found it and picks up the cane.

"Sorry, I had to navigate through all your mess."

Raven rolls her eyes and holds out her hand for the cane. She nods toward Octavia as a thanks. The woman smiles at her in return. Raven hands her the brace she took off while the woman went to look for her cane.

"Right, OK. I'm gonna go. Call me if you need anything?" Octavia knows it's a futile suggestion but tries anyway.

"Sure, O." Raven plays along while her eyes flit toward the door.

Octavia takes the hint and takes her leave. "See you, Reyes."

Raven totally deserved hearing that tone of voice. The one that says 'I'm done trying for today. You've worn me out.' She knows she's being really shitty towards Octavia, the only one that still makes an effort, but she can't help it. It's part of who she is now.

She walks toward the kitchen to make herself the coffee that Octavia would make her. Now that she isn't here anymore, she'll make it an Irish one. _  
_

**

Octavia is standing in front of her apartment, fidgeting with her keys until she finds the right one. At that moment, Clarke comes out of her own apartment. It's across from hers. At first, they meant to take one next to each other and maybe tear out a wall to make it one big house but they soon found out it wouldn't even be a possibility because it all the walls separating the apartments from one another are bearing walls, even a door could be too much. It would be too much; Octavia already did the math on it.

Clarke looks at the metal in Octavia's hand, immediately recognizing it. How can she not? She spent hours watching Octavia as she made it from scratch. "How is she?" There is so much sadness in her voice that it breaks Octavia's heart.

"Why won't you ask her yourself?" There's anger in her voice and Clarke cannot blame her. She cannot blame Clarke for not contacting Raven either. The whole situation is messed up. There are tears in her eyes and she blinks them away as she apologizes to Clarke. "I know. I'm sorry. I guess she's… You know what? I don't even know. She barely talks to me." She leans her head against her own front door. Octavia is too tired for this. She doesn't even know why she's doing it anymore.

Yes, she does.

"Hey, alright. Wait. Let's get you inside." Clarke walks over and takes the keys from Octavia's hand. She opens the door and nudges the woman inside and gently takes the metal object and puts it aside.

Octavia basically faceplants into the couch, eliciting a snort from Clarke. She lets the woman be for the moment and goes to make some hot cocoa. They say that chocolate makes everything better.

Clarke nudges Octavia's legs in a silent request for her to scoot over. The brunette speaks something unintelligible into the couch. Clarke is tired of waiting but decides against kicking her legs off the couch. Instead, she gently raises them, sits down and let them fall into her lap.

She starts tracing patterns into the woman's legs. It doesn't take long for Octavia to start squirming. Clarke smirks knowingly. The brunette is very ticklish. The blonde doubles her effort and suddenly stops. Octavia lets out a content sigh thinking she's off the hook. She couldn't be more wrong.

The blonde suddenly puts her hands on Octavia's sides and starts tickling her like crazy.

"S-stop, stop! Clarke!!" It isn't until Octavia is crying with laughter this time, as opposed to sadness, that Clarke lets go. It takes Octavia a minute to catch her breath again. "Thanks, Clarkey."

"Anytime, O. Do you wanna talk about it?"

Octavia shakes her head, "Maybe later."

The blonde goes to retrieve the brace so Octavia can do whatever it was that she was going to do with it, but when she comes back the brunette is already asleep. She never ceases to amaze the blonde with how quick she can just fall asleep everywhere and at any given time. She chuckles to herself and drapes a blanket around the brunette, kisses the top of her head and lets herself out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so I kinda put up this chapter to see if people dig the idea. I'm really obsessed with Jessica Jones but Octaven is growing on me so bad, so I thought why not mix the two!
> 
> With Raven's new 'occupation,' I switched it up a little and made it so that Octavia is the genius mechanic and Raven is the - let's just say - 'warrior.'


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments, kudos and bookmarks :)!
> 
> PS. There's some violence in this chapter.

Octavia wakes up thinking that someone is trying to smother her. She's still lying face first on the couch. As she pushes herself up, her left hand is near the edge and slides off.

She has no idea how it happened but somehow she finds herself on the floor now. She landed on her back and it hurts quite a bit. _Fuck my life._ She shakes it off and stands up to find something for the headache she might get soon.

Her eyes land on Raven's brace that Clarke put on her coffee table. After gulping down her aspirin, she picks it up and goes into her workstation. It's the biggest of the two rooms in her apartment. The other one is her bedroom. She doesn't need a lot of space to sleep anyway.

Octavia is muttering curses under her breath. Raven should really take better care of this thing. It's not like you can just buy one in a store. Also, some appreciation would be nice... Then again, Raven actually wearing it and preferring it over her cane should count for something, right?

As she soldering some joints to reinforce the overall structure of the walking aid, her mind wanders back to the photo she found. She wonders why the women kept it but still remains to be so stubborn. For someone that says she doesn't care, this seems to be out of character.

She forces herself to stop thinking about how things were finally starting to get to the point where she could be happy before everything went to hell. Thinking about it will only lead to tears and she already cried today. Or yesterday. She positively has no idea what day it is now.

**

Raven is pacing her living room. Well, she would be but walking is turning out to be a pain in the ass so she settles for throwing her cane in the air over and over again. She’s restless. She tells herself it’s because her brace is currently not in working condition but she would only be fooling herself. It’s because a certain brunette didn’t bother to show up. It’s not like they agreed on a time but damn, it’s already way past midnight.

_Maybe something happened? Should I go and check on her? Should I call? Would that be too invasive? I don’t want to let her know it’s OK to call me sometime or something. She would’ve come to return my brace, right? Or would she make me beg for it back? No. She’s not like that. Maybe fixing it just took a little longer than expected. Then again, it’s O. She’s a genius or something. OK, so maybe something did happen. I should check. Or. Call. Or. Fuck._

Raven is giving herself a headache with all the thoughts occupying her mind at the same time. She doesn’t know what the best course of action is. Going over there would be way too much but calling isn’t OK either. She tries to think of a middle way and finds it in a text message.

She takes out her phone and goes to write a message. She has no idea what to write. She doesn’t want to seem like she’s only asking for her brace – but she kinda is. No, that’s a lie. She wants to know if Octavia is alright.

| Thank you for fixing it. – R.

 _Yeah, that’s non-committal in every way while still being polite._ The only problem might be that Octavia doesn’t answer because there’s nothing to reply to. She amends the text message, types in the number she knows by heart and quickly hits send before she can change her mind.

**

Her phone dings with a new message. She looks through the crack between her curtains. It’s pitch black outside so it must be well into the night. Wondering who would text her at this hour, she sets aside the brace she was polishing up and grabs her phone.

She clicks on it and stares at it for a few minutes. The last thing she expected was a text message from Raven. She really tries to keep her breathing even and deep, but shit – the woman actually texted her. This is definitely progress.

While typing out her reply, she can’t seem to keep the smile off her face. There’s no reason to text back since there isn’t a question but she can’t let it slide either.

| Ring the doorbell? I’m not the delivery boy, Rae. Try again ;)

Octavia doesn’t expect a reply but sure hopes she’d get one. She goes back to oiling the brace before going to bed. It’s not like Raven will be going somewhere in the middle of the night, right?

**

She tosses her phone onto the coffee table. She will not reply. She. Will. Not. No. She knows what the younger woman is doing; she’s trying to find a way back in. Instead of giving in to what her heart wants, she clicks off the lights and flops down onto her bed. Whatever problems there are, will still be there tomorrow.

 

Raven feels eyes on her. Her hands are already balled up into fists under the duvet. Whoever is standing there will surely regret it the instant they touch her. She listens closely for movement. The person is creeping up on her. They are only a few steps away. She holds her breath – NOW.

She jumps up and aims to land a punch on their jaw. The other person seems to somehow know what Raven was going to do and expertly evaded the punch. Raven took almost no recovery time and smashed their body onto her bed.

“Rae!”

Upon hearing her name, she immediately lets go. She looks, really looks now that all the grogginess of sleep left her system and is replaced by adrenaline.

“Damn you, O. I could’ve…” Raven trails off, terrified of completing that sentence.

“But you didn’t,” Octavia easily quips back.

Raven’s mind is momentarily blank when she looks into Octavia’s eyes. She’s still hovering over the woman and none of them speak for a few seconds.

“Hi,” Octavia says, smiling at the woman above her.

Raven can see she’s genuinely smiling and not smirking or anything. She involuntarily smiles back for a split second, swallows thickly and promptly steps away. Fuck, she hopes she didn’t blush at the way Octavia was looking at her. It is kinda nice to know that Octavia still remembers the move she taught her.

“Hi Octavia,” Raven says as she’s backed herself up against her bedroom wall. She didn’t really think that through as she’s only wearing a shirt.

Octavia has to tap into all her self-restraint to not look at those beautiful legs because that’s what they are to Octavia. Raven, however, would never believe that.

“Why do you call me Octavia?” she asks confused. While she does, her eyes flit down to Raven’s legs. Raven follows her eyesight and wordlessly goes to put on some pants, totally missing how Octavia was subconsciously licking her lips.

“That’s your name, right?” Raven yells from the bathroom.

Octavia rolls her eyes, not planning on dignifying that with a reply. She should probably get off of Raven’s bed but it smells like her and she can still feel Raven’s hands slamming her into the bed. If only that were to happen under different circumstances. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, willing her heart to shut up already.

When Raven returns, clad in jeans and another shirt, Octavia is still lying on her bed. She doesn’t really know what to do or say, so she clears her throat hoping that Octavia would say something.

“I brought your brace back, it’s on your couch.”

Raven hobbles over, not knowing what she did with her cane last night, and puts the brace on. It feels good to be able to sort of walk again, normally.

“Thanks,” she whispers more to herself than anyone else. Octavia, however, does hear it as she’s now standing behind Raven. She lowers her head to whisper in her ear.

“You’re welcome, Rae.”

**

Raven is aimlessly driving around the neighborhood. Her leg is acting up again so driving is the best option to spend her evening instead of being alone and letting destructive thoughts be the boss of her. As she’s about to round the next corner, something catches her eye. It's a  woman who is quite obviously being harassed by some guy. Her blood runs cold as memories come flooding back. Raven wills herself to calm down but only half succeeds. She brings her car up to the pair as close as she can, as carefully as she can. The woman seems startled by Raven’s actions and she internally curses herself for not thinking her actions through. It might seem like Raven is about to abduct them or something, judging by the way she just parked her car and effectively blocked their path. Shaking her head to herself, she exits her vehicle.

 “Is there a problem here?” She looks up at the woman but can’t make out any features due to the darkness, since she immediately shut off her headlights upon approaching. No one has to witness her potentially kicking some punk-ass into tomorrow.

The woman stays silent, apparently stunned for the time being. Not knowing what to do now that she isn’t quite sure if the man is harassing her or is an acquaintance, she continues:

“Is this guy bothering you?”

The man – previously too amused to speak up – finally does. “Look, lady, nothing to see here. Get lost.”

Raven feels the adrenaline rushing through her body at his words. Her hands are balled up into fists, ready to connect with a jaw. She completely ignores the guy in favor of looking at the woman, who she notices now, is visibly shaking. In that instant, she has her answer. Why do men always treat women like something less than human?

“Look, dude. I’m going to tell you nicely, just once. Move along. Now.” She emphasizes her last word and she sees the guy waiver briefly before standing tall again. Raven really doesn’t care what his plan is.

She raises her eyebrow at him and takes a few steps forward. He gulps audibly before his eyes land on her brace. He snorts at her now. “I’d tell you to move along instead, but I see that’s going to be problematic.”

Raven doesn’t seem affected by his words. If anything, it spurs her on even more. She keeps walking toward him until she’s standing face to face. “What hand do you write with?”

The question throws him off. “What?”

She moves closer toward his face, “I asked what hand you write with.” Her voice is level but laced with venom.

He’s feeling smug and can barely contain his laughter. He thinks he followed the wrong girl, as this one in front of him now is hilarious as hell. “Right. Shall I give you a test drive with it?” He replies denigrating. He moves his right hand toward Raven to let her know that he isn’t all play.

Wrong move.

She grabs his hand, connects her right fist with his jaw and sidesteps him all in one swift move. Somehow his right hand ended up on his back as his left is now clutching his shattered jaw. He tries to speak and free his hand but fails at both. Raven pushes her brace-clad knee into his back and forces him to smell the ground before twisting his wrist in such a way that he has no choice but to scream out in agony. It only adds to his pain as he seemingly forgot about his jaw.

She lets him go and walks up to the woman who flinches as she approaches. She smiles at the woman and stops at a respectable distance. “You better leave as well," she tells the woman with a soft voice, indicating that she's not going to harm her. She doesn't really give a shit about this lady as long as she's not being harassed, but it's better she leaves first in case this guy gets any other bright ideas.

“Thank you. Nobody ever stood up for me like that.”

Raven nods back, not really knowing what to say.

“I’m Harper.” She extends her hand for Raven to take who reluctantly does. She wasn’t really planning on being all social this evening. “Reyes.”

Luckily, Harper's phone begins to ring. “I have to take this, I’m meeting a friend and I'm already late.”

She nods, already planning on getting back in her car when Harper stops her with a hand on her shoulder. Raven cringes and refrains from hitting Harper. She takes a second to calm herself down enough to turn around and pretend not to be affected by the sudden physical contact. She moves her head in a questioning matter and Harper hands her a business card. When Raven doesn’t accept it, she practically shoves it in her jacket pocket, shouts a ‘call me’ and walks off.

As Raven tries to process what just happened, she hears the guy on the ground grunt at her. She makes a mock gesture toward him and he flinches, shielding his head with his hands. She smirks, shakes her head and takes off in her pickup truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was stupid enough to not write down the ideas I had for this story (thinking I would remember what I wanted to write – I don’t). Hope this chapter is still up to par!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: violence.

**||          23 months ago**

She had been trying to tell him this whole evening but the right moment never seemed to come. They were just about to leave the restaurant when he came up behind her and hugged her out of nowhere. It was such a gentle gesture and she couldn’t help but bask in the familiarity of it all. He put his hands into her back pocket and God, did she loved it when he did that. The feeling of being encased by his body was one she would never grow tired of.

No.

It wasn’t the feeling of _his_ body that she loved. It was the warmth and the feeling of being protected that she loved. The feeling of being at ease while someone else took care of her. It was… Safe.

But it wasn’t love.

It was friendship or kinship of some kind… Anything except the one thing she craved most. She wanted something else; something more. Fuck it.

She wanted someone else.

Knowing her heart wasn’t in the relationship, she had to let him go and she had to do it today. She decided to do it when they were home so they could hopefully talk about it like adults. They walked back as it was a beautiful summer evening with the sunset casting an orange glow over the sky above them.

The neighborhood that they had to cross wasn’t really known for being ‘family safe’ so to speak but it didn’t bother them because they walked through there many times before and nothing happened. They both were also versed in different kinds of martial arts so neither of them ever really felt threatened quickly.

They passed an alleyway in which they could hear some people talking to each other. They paid them no mind and continued walking. That was until one of the guys yelled at them.

“Hey! You two!”

She wanted to turn around but he stopped her by clutching her hand tighter and walking just a tad bit faster. He whispered to her to just keep walking. She thought it was out of character since neither of them ever shied away from confrontation; especially not when they were together. She wasn’t going to fight or anything but ignoring whoever just called them was just plain rude. People could call her anything but rude without any reason whatsoever? Yeah, that just wasn’t her.

She looked up at him trying to get some sort of explanation but he wouldn’t meet her gaze. It was odd but she decided to let it go for now. More so because whoever was calling after them stopped.

She did, however, hear the guy talk on the phone before yelling out again.

“Collins!”

At the mention of his name, Finn jerked Raven along faster – almost running now. She didn’t understand what was going on or why he was running away but she let herself get dragged along with him.

Until some guy popped out in front of them – seemingly out of nowhere.

“What do you want?” Raven spoke up, the word ‘punk’ implied by her tone. She heard Finn audibly gulp next to her. She’s shifting toward him to ask him what the hell is going on but before she could, the guy spoke up again.

“Pretty lady you got there, Collins. Would be a shame to you if I were to defile such a pretty little thing.” He looks at her like she’s a piece of meat. “Damn, I’d tap that at least twice.”

She expected Finn to defend her. That has to be some kind of unspoken rule, right? Since she’s her boyfriend? Something about protecting her? Apparently not. He didn’t even say one word or did anything to defend her honor.

Nothing at all.

If he wouldn’t do it, she certainly would. Hell, it was just another reason to break things off with him ASA-fucking-P. “Look, dude. I’m just trying to get home. I’m not looking for trouble.” She was about to pass the guy but he pushes her back toward Finn, who at least had the decency to steady her. She shrugged herself off of him. She looks back at him and asks: “The fuck does he want, Finn?”

Before he could answer her, the guy surged toward Raven and grabbed her. She struggled against his hold and managed to kick him in the groin followed by an uppercut to the nose. He let her go in favor of clutching his junk and laying in the fetus position.

Unfortunately, it didn’t help her position as more goons lined up and started to circle them. In that instant, she knew that there was no way she could fend them all off by herself even if Finn helped.

The circle opened up and one rather skinny looking guy in a suit walked toward them. All other straightened their backs and three of them went to hold Raven. That fucker Finn seemed to be frozen on the spot. Only a weak, barely audible ‘Let her go,’ left his lips. It wasn’t convincing in any way and Raven? Raven hated him for it. How could she have been so wrong about him? He’s not a man; he’s a rat.

She snapped out of her thoughts when she heard a very distinct click. She’s heard it before. It’s the safety of a gun being clicked off. She tried to get out of their hold but the three men wouldn’t let up. The suit guy with the gun walked up to Finn.

“Your choice Collins; her or you?”

The man flailed his gun around like it was some sort of drumstick. He even twirled the gun from the trigger hole. Finn didn’t reply.

The man seemed amused by it all. “Not even gonna fight for your lady?” He hums thoughtfully and moved toward Raven.

Her heart nearly thrummed out of her chest but she tried to keep calm. If this were to be the end, she would go out with dignity. There’s no way that she would beg for her life.

The man with the gun stopped right in front of her. He caressed her cheek with the barrel of the gun. The cold piece of metal felt like an extension of her heart when she looked back at Finn who had his eyes trained on the ground.

The man opened up his suit jacket, seemingly getting warm, and pushed the gun into Finn’s temple and tells him to look at her. To look at Raven. The moment Finn does, the man withdraws his gun and looks back at Raven.

The moment their eyes lock, she could see it in his eyes. She knew what was about to happen. Call it instinct, call it impeccable observation skills; call it whatever you want – but she just knew.

A split second before he did, she turned around causing one of the guys holding on to her, to stand in the line of fire.

The literal line of fire.

The leader just shot his own guy. It was a through and through. She knew because she felt numb all of the sudden. She knew the bullet went into her body as well. The others drop her without a second thought to check on their own man.

The only thing she could think of when she fell to the ground was how she should’ve dumped Finn when she had the chance.

Her head hit the side of the pavement and she was out.

 

**||          Present time**

She needs a drink – badly. Having only twenty dollars, she doesn’t go to a bar to get drunk. This amount of money wouldn’t even get her drunk at all. Maybe not even tipsy. So she drives up to a 24/7 liquor store that operates from behind barred windows and doesn’t have an entrance. She slides over the lone bill and asks the man behind the counter to give her whatever bottle that amount of money could buy. It doesn’t matter what the hell it is, as long as it’s strong.

He slides back a bottle and she doesn’t even stop to look at what the hell she was given. She positively doesn’t care. Alcohol is alcohol. She just wants to forget the awful thoughts that were dying to flood her brain.  


She drives up to one of her favorite spots. She doesn’t question the fact that it’s barely a two-minute drive from Octavia’s place. Whenever that thought does pop up, she literally downs it with some burning liquor.

Raven exits her vehicle and looks up at the lake. Seeing it already calms her down and settles her nerves. The wind blows gently and the air is refreshing. She settles in front of a bench and keeps her brace-clad leg straight while she bends the other to rest her arm on. Slowly sipping from her bottle she grimaces at the taste. It’s not her usual whiskey and she instantly regrets not asking for it specifically. Surely she would’ve had enough money for a Jim Beam or Teacher’s.

The bottle is suddenly empty and she’s not sure how it happened. It mirrors exactly how she feels inside. Her heart yearns for positive physical or emotional contact with another human being but her mind always tells her ‘no.’ She’s in constant battle with herself and it kills her inside. If she’s honest with herself, she doesn’t even recognize the person she has become. This is not her. This is an empty shell of who she used to be.

In a moment of weakness, she punches in some numbers on her flip phone. She’s not even consciously aware of what she’s typing until a voice speaks up. Raven looks around but doesn’t see anyone around. The confusion spreads further when she sees something like a stopwatch run on her screen. Twelve seconds and counting.

The voice speaks up again and this time, it’s her name. It’s soft, it’s tentative and she immediately knows who it belongs to. In one instant it clicks. She called Octavia.

After a few more seconds of Raven’s silence, Octavia continues.

“Are you alright? I can hear you breathing, you know…”

Right. She should probably say something right about now.

“Hi. Yes. Sorry. Pocket dial.” She lies and her words are curt and clipped.

It’s silent for a second and Raven thinks that maybe Octavia hung up the phone. She didn’t. Octavia was merely assessing the tone of voice Raven used. Her voice wavered slightly and it made Octavia anxious.

“Where are you, Rae?” Her voice isn’t judgy nor annoyed. Raven isn’t sure how to classify it in her drunken state. Before she could even think about formulating an answer, she already blurted out the truth. Before she could backtrack or say something else, the woman on the other side of the line already hung up with a ‘stay there, I’ll be there in 5.’

Raven is thoroughly confused as she keeps looking at her phone. She sees the time in big numbers on the screen. It’s 3.23AM.

It’s 3.23 AM and Octavia is going to be here in 5 minutes?

She doesn’t know how to feel about that. She wants to leave before the woman shows up. She tries to get up and after a few tries, she manages to do so. It probably wasn’t a good idea to down the whole bottle in less than a half hour and her limbs agree when she tries to walk back to her car. Her whole body agrees as she falls down, stumbling over nothing but her own feet. Luckily, she fell down on the grass.

Grumbling to herself she tries to get back up again. She mostly crawls back to the bench which was only three steps away from her and sits down again. There goes her plan to avoid a certain brunette. Why did she have to call her anyway? Why did she even get out her phone? To look at a picture of…. Oh. Right. That doesn’t help things at all.

She’s in the middle of berating herself for her stupidity for calling and especially for nothing being able to even walk when she feels a hand on her. It’s brief but she knows who it belongs to as her second nature to kill whoever just touched her, didn’t even kick in. She likes to believe it’s because she knows who it is and not because of the alcohol.

Octavia’s face comes into view as she kneels down before her. “Are you alright?” she asks softly.

Raven is momentarily speechless as she lifts her eyes a bit to look back in the younger woman’s. She looks sleepy but she’s stunning nonetheless. Absolutely stunning. Her hair frames her face beautifully and her eyes… Fuck, her eyes. Raven gets lost in them. Because what the hell did Octavia even ask? She has no idea. And as her face contorts into confusion, she hears a sound she will never get tired of hearing.

Octavia chuckles at the confused face Raven is making. This time, speaking slower, she asks “Would you like to walk with me?” she stretches out her hand waits for Raven to take it.

Walking? Of course. Yes. To Raven, that sounds like the best plan ever as she totally forgot what happened mere minutes ago.

She tries to take Octavia’s hand but it doesn’t exactly go according to plan. Her depth perception is still off. Thankfully, it should be restored within the next 15 minutes or so.

Octavia pulls the woman from the bench and releases her hand in favor of putting it around her waist to steady her. Raven instinctively leans her head against Octavia’s shoulder as she tries to put one foot in front of the other. It goes better than expected.

They wordlessly walk parallel to the water when Octavia slows to a stop. She lets Raven lean against the railing and goes to do the same thing. They both look out toward the water. It’s beautiful as the moon shines upon it, making it glisten and sparkle. It’s so amazing that Raven speaks up before she can stop herself.

“It’s beautiful.”

When Octavia doesn’t reply, Raven looks up at her. And when she does, Octavia responds.

“It really is,” she says and her eyes don’t leave Raven once.

She knows she’s positively fucked. Her heart is pulling her closer toward Octavia but her mind yells loudly in her head. _ABORT. STOP. DOWN. BACK OFF. TURN AWAY. LOOK AWAY. FAKE COUGH OR SOMETHING. MAKE A WITTY REPLY. DO WHAT YOU DO BEST, BUT DON’T –_ she cuts off her own train of thoughts yet refrains from what she really wants to do. Instead, she kisses Octavia’s forehead and probably lingers for a split second too long. The woman doesn’t comment on it, though. She simply takes Raven’s hand in hers and looks back at the lake.

Raven isn’t sure what to think of her actions or Octavia’s but for once, she doesn’t even want to analyze the situation as their fingers are currently entwined. She’s not sure if she’s the one that did that or whether Octavia did, but when the sensation spreads through her entire body nonetheless.

“Did you drive over?” Octavia asks. Raven nods back, wanting to stay in this moment forever instead of worrying about getting home. Or well, her house. It’s not really a home, not to Raven.

The younger girl tugs Raven toward herself again and starts to walk back toward the bench. “Lead the way,” Octavia whispers as her hand finds Raven’s again but this time it’s the other hand as she’s still wrapped around her waist.

There are three drunk people walking toward them. Two guys are being obnoxious while a girl tugs one of them along, trying to get wherever it is they are going, faster. The loudest guy spots Raven’s brace and starts to mimic his own stride to match hers. Usually, she walks around rather normal, but it’s late and it kinda hurts.

Raven doesn’t seem to notice the guy but Octavia surely does. At the loss of the warmth around her torso, Raven turns to look at Octavia who’s fuming. The other guy is laughing hysterically at his friend being silly.

“You know I can arrange for you to walk that way for real.” Octavia spits out.

The guy pauses, looks at her and bursts out laughing again. Octavia walks up to him but Raven places a hand on her upper arm, silently asking her to just let it go.

She won’t.

She shrugs Raven’s hand off and walks up to the guy. “Apologize to her,” she points back to Raven, “for being a total jackass and I might let you leave unscathed.”

He can’t control his laughter and tears start to form in his eyes. She can see the pair behind him trying to make him stop as well, but the guy is stubborn.

“Hell no, I’m not –”

Before he even got to finish his sentence, Octavia punched him on the nose. She winces slightly as her fist makes contact with his skin, but smirks when she hears a crack that’s not coming from her hand. She sees blood starting to drip out of his nose and speaks up.

“If I ever see your face again, I’ll make sure to properly rearrange it.”

She doesn’t bother to wait for a reply and walks back toward Raven. She hears his male friend fuzz over him while his female friend seemingly slapped him as well before telling him he’s an idiot. She hears them walk off and focuses her attention fully to Raven.

Raven is looking at Octavia with an unreadable expression. Octavia is not sure whether the woman is mad or in shock. But whatever it is, she’s worried.

“Are you OK?”

Both are silent before Raven suddenly slings her arms around the woman and tugs her closer in a very tight hug. It takes Octavia a second to return the hug, but when she does, she never wants to let go again. She only does when she feels Raven shake into their embrace. She wants to look at Raven but the woman is having none of it and only holds her stronger in reply. She’s not sure whether she’s crushing the woman by now but since Octavia isn’t saying anything it must be OK.

Octavia whispers sweet nothings in Raven’s hair. She means every word, however. She kisses the top of Raven’s head and continues to hug her for as long as she wants. It doesn’t take long before she feels Raven lean on her slightly and she immediately shifts her stance to accommodate her while pushing Raven into her more fully.

Neither of them knows how long they’ve been standing there for when Raven abruptly ends the hug and marches back to her car.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continues where the previous chapter ended. We learn more about the thought process Raven's mind goes through on a daily basis - especially when it concerns Octavia and get a glimpse into the kind of work Raven does. Raven also discovers who her new neighbor is and let me tell you that she isn't happy.

Nobody ever stood up for her like that. Octavia acted like it was the most obvious thing in the world to do so. She acted exactly how Raven expected Finn to act two years ago. She defended her even when Raven told her to let it go. Raven felt so many things at once, half of those feelings she hadn’t felt for nearly two years. She hadn’t let herself get close enough to someone for it to happen, yet it did happen. She tells herself it’s because Octavia merely caught her off guard. Either that or it was the alcohol that was making her heart and brain all mushy. That, however, would be a lie and she knows it. There’s no alcohol left in her system.

She can’t do this. She can’t let herself be vulnerable. She cannot risk the chance of getting hurt again. She cannot depend on someone only for them to shoot her down whether it’s by proxy or them pulling the actual trigger. What if Octavia expected something in return now? What if she’s just a means to some kind of end? Raven takes a deep breath and wills herself to let her anger toward herself overcome all other feelings flooding her body. The only person she can truly depend on is herself. All others are bound to hurt her eventually and she rather skips past all that and lock everyone out.

"Fuck!" She takes her anger out on her steering wheel. “FUCK!” A tear escapes and it isn’t long before she cannot stop the stream of tears flowing freely.

She forgot to actually drive off, and Octavia caught up to her car. Raven doesn’t notice the younger woman until she hears someone open her door.

Right; she also forgot to lock it. It’s almost like she wanted Octavia to come and find her.

“Scoot over, Rae. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but I’m not letting you drive in the state you’re in.” Octavia resists the urge to wipe away Raven’s tears; resists to hug her again; resists the urge to make her focus on her and her alone. She resists it all for she knows that it will only drive Raven away further.

Raven is pretty sure Octavia isn’t talking about the alcohol in her system but doesn’t comment on it. She wordlessly does what the woman is asking of her which is proving a bit difficult with her leg not cooperating. Octavia waits patiently while she sits on the edge of the driver’s seat. Raven silently thanks her for her ability to know that she doesn’t want to talk about anything.

When they both settled in, Octavia drives off but it isn’t until she stopped the car that Raven sees where they are. It’s Octavia’s apartment. They look at each other and have a whole conversation in a series of glances. The younger woman nods in defeat when Raven cocks her head to the side and raises her eyebrow. When Octavia restarts the car to drive off again, Raven wonders when they got so good at this silent communication. It’s barely a second later that she realizes they always have. It’s just that Raven preliminary cut off any moments for that to happen.

They come to a stop and Octavia gets out of the vehicle before Raven does. She opens Raven’s door and offers her a hand. When Raven sees nothing but sincerity in Octavia’s eyes, she takes her hand. Still not having spoken a word since they got into the car, Octavia guides them to the apartment and patiently waits until Raven opens the front door.

Raven can tell that Octavia wants to come in. She wants it too. Her mind, however, tells her she’s going to regret this as everyone is bound to hurt her at some point. Her body is still swarming with all sorts of feelings and she’s getting tired of fighting it. She pushes her door open all the way and walks toward her bedroom. She gives Octavia the choice to enter the apartment or leave as she cannot find it in herself to voice her preference. She’s not even sure how it would work anyway.

She hears the door close softly as she stood still in the middle of her bedroom. She lets out a sigh and quickly changes into her sleeping attire. There was always hoping.

When she goes back into the living room, now clad in shorts and a tank top, she almost stumbles over her own feet – again. She catches herself and freezes when she sees the younger woman basically plastered against her front door. Now she’s the worried one.

“O? You OK? You can eh… Come in, you know? This time, I let you in as opposed to you breaking in and now you won’t stop hugging the door. I’d rather you h-.” She stops herself when she realizes what she wanted to say. They’re not there yet. There was a time she could say things like this, but she’s pretty sure it isn’t OK to do so now.

Octavia calms down at Raven’s words. She decides to quip back with a smirk. “You’d rather what?”

OK fuck it, Raven thinks when she answers honestly. “You’d hug me instead.” Although she’s not even remotely drunk anymore, she knows she can play it off like that if the need arises. Octavia doesn’t know that the alcohol doesn’t stay as long in her system like it does with regular people.

Not wanting to wait for Octavia’s reply without some sort of distraction, she starts rummaging through her freezer. When the younger woman doesn’t reply and she finds the item she’s looking, she holds it up and speaks.

“Put this on your hand.”

She closes the freezer and stands face to face with Octavia. _Holy fuck, I did not expect that._ “A little heads up next time, oh wise ninja?”

Octavia smiles and grabs the frozen peas and holds it against her fist. “Thanks, Rae,” she says softly. She settles in on the couch while Raven watches her from the open kitchen.

Raven observes her and comes to the conclusion that she needs to give Octavia her bed as she basically dragged her out at four in the morning.

“Hey, O? You can have my bed.” She barely even finished the sentence when Octavia answers easily.

“Only if you join me.”

It isn’t like they haven’t slept in the same bed together numerous times before. Even when she was with Finn or Octavia was with Derek, they still had their movie nights followed by a sleepover that both men kept insisting were just them cheating on them with each other. It was all in good fun and no one was really bothered by it all. The idea of having O for herself without any form of restraint was getting more and more something Raven actually wanted as time passed. Of course, there was no way that Octavia would ever feel the same way.

But now… Although she isn’t completely sure how much of this banter is just Octavia being glad they’re trying to get back to something akin to friends again, and how much of it is this… This gravitational pull Raven seems to have toward Octavia, because, it surely cannot be mutual, right?

Raven shakes her head and doesn’t bother with a reply when she goes to find Octavia something to wear. She puts it in the bathroom and re-enters her living room. Octavia is sound asleep with the bag of peas atop her outstretched hand which in turn lies atop of her stomach. The woman looks so peaceful, so angelic; so damn gorgeous.

She takes the cold bag and puts it back in the freezer. She contemplates on whether to move the woman to the bed or leave her there. She knows the couch isn’t that comfortable so she does something she might regret as physically touching Octavia always does something to her.

Raven takes a deep breath and scoops the younger brunette up. There’s a moment in which she thinks Octavia is going to wake up and her heart beats out of control at that realization. She stands still, already trying to come up with some sort of excuse – which is silly because she really wants Octavia to be comfortable. Why make up an excuse for that? Also, what excuse could she even make?

Octavia doesn’t wake up until right when Raven tucks her in haphazardly.

“Stay,” she says.

Her eyes are pleasing and Raven cannot find it in herself to decline so she doesn’t. She takes off her brace and slips in next to Octavia but keeps a respectable distance; one Octavia clearly doesn’t approve of. The woman shuffles sideways until their bodies are slightly touching and slings an arm around Raven’s torso.

Raven tenses up at the touch, but Octavia makes no move to remove her arm. If anything, it seems that she tightens her hold slightly. When Raven realizes that the woman isn’t going to let up, she tries to calm down. She eventually settles down and puts her own hand atop Octavia’s when she’s certain the other woman is asleep.

 

Raven wakes up with Octavia’s legs entangled with hers – or the other way around. No, it’s definitely Octavia that has no regard for personal space. The fingers of Octavia’s left hand and her right hand are also entwined and it’s something she didn’t do last night. She feels Octavia’s breath tickling her side and she can’t help but smile at the feeling of Octavia all over her body. It feels amazing and she revels in it.

She gets lost in the moment. Lost in what if’s and alternate universes. Her fantasies get interrupted when pain shoots up her leg; a physical reminder of everything that went wrong. With a heavy heart, she carefully untangles herself from Octavia. Thankfully, the woman doesn’t wake up.

Raven takes a quick shower before leaving and decides to not come back until at least midnight. She doesn’t want to talk to Octavia about what happened or didn’t happen – or should’ve happened. She just wants everything to stop and go away. For the world to leave her be. For all feelings to go away. There’s a split-second Raven thinks that she herself should go away but she quickly waves away that thought because she’s not a coward. Although, maybe in a way she already is.

**

Raven looks at her phone now ringing in her hand. It has been going for quite a while now but she can’t find it in herself to answer it or to click it away so she just lets it ring. She watches it until the backlight turns off again. The whole process repeats one more time before a text message appears not long after. Raven is hesitant to open is but does anyway after contemplating on it for nearly half an hour. It’s ridiculous really because Octavia can’t even see whether she opened the message or not.

|| Missed u when I woke up. Borrowed a shirt. Thnx for letting me stay. I’m off to work. xo

She grins while reading the short sentences. That’s something they did when one of them was sporting a hangover back when they still hung out frequently. It is familiar; nice even. Yet it isn’t who she is anymore. Figuratively but also literally as she isn’t hangover; not even close.

She glances over the message again. It’s different than the one she received the day Octavia was fixing her brace. This one is way less formal and it makes Raven weary. She isn’t sure if she could or should be friends with the woman again. They would have to talk about things she’d rather keep hidden in the back of her mind.

Returning home, she almost falls over boxes that are littered all across the hallway. It’s probably a new neighbor moving in or something. She just hopes they won’t knock on her door in hopes of borrowing fucking sugar or something. Closing her front door behind her, she wastes no time to flop down onto her bed. The duvet still smells like Octavia and so does one of the pillows. She hugs it tightly against her chest and curses herself for how the woman is able to break through all her carefully built walls.

She wakes up not three hours later due to her phone ringing again. Looking at the caller ID, she decides to pick up the phone. She mostly listens, and grumbles back incoherently before the call ends. She needs the money, so she rolls herself out of bed and makes her way to Hogarth’s office.

It catches her off guard to see a new assistant at the desk ‘what’s her name’ used to sit at. OK, thinking it over again, she doesn’t give a damn at all. Except this lady looks at her with something she can only describe as pity. The blonde flashes her a fake smile and is about to let Mrs. Hogarth know that she has a visitor. It makes Raven furious as she doesn’t need an introduction, doesn’t need fake smiles and certainly doesn’t need any pity from anyone. It only takes one look from Raven for this woman to sit back down in her chair and occupy herself with whatever it is that assistants to lawyers do.

She’s in and out the office in less than three minutes. Hogarth doesn’t like her and she doesn’t like Hogarth but somehow they can use each other and that’s all there is to it. She opens up the envelope Hogarth handed her and studies the picture inside it. Her job is to serve this asshole with papers. Apparently, he refuses to pay child support and thinks his nightclubs are more important than his own kid of barely two years old.

Some people are really disgusting.

It’s not difficult to find this guy but it might prove an annoyance to get near him. She tries to get in the club but one glance from the bouncer and she’s being stopped before she even entered the building. Apparently, she’s not wearing appropriate attire (she’s pretty sure it’s because of her brace, though).

“Look, I’m looking for Michael Swanson; the owner.”

She gives the bouncer a pointed look and he presses on his earpiece to relay the information. She hears him talk in another language which she guesses is Russian. _Figures. Hogarth sending me to the fucking Russian mob. What kinda name is Swanson anyway for a Russian dude?_

To her surprise, the bouncer signals to her that she may pass. He grunts “V.I.P. section,” and turns away to continue his work. Of course, the V.I.P. section is located on the first floor of the club and of course there are only stairs to get there. With a little bit of effort, she gets up there. Another bouncer blocks her way but when he looks at her brace, he steps aside.

The V.I.P. section is disgusting. There are two men seemingly discussion some kind of business while there are more than half a dozen girls dancing around them. Raven can’t even tell if these girls are legal or not. Maybe it’s for the best that this guy is not raising a kid.

“Michael Swanson?” She calls out but no one seems to listen.

She takes a step forward, hesitates for a moment, and confidently walks up to the table. She slams her hand down on it.

“Which one of you is Michael Swanson?”

They both look up at her now, amusement clear.

She really doesn’t have time for any of this idiocy.

“That would be me,” one of them eventually speaks. “What can I do for you?” Before Raven can answer he adds, “I don’t do charity,” while he looks her up and down.

_This again?_

She grabs him by the collar with one hand, while she rummages through her pocket for the papers. They’re all crumbled up but they should still do the job nonetheless.

Two bodyguards rush into the section but Michael tells them to back down. “A feisty little one, aren’t you? I like it. I could use someone like you.”

She pushes him against the wall in reply, grabs her phone and takes a selfie with the guy while holding up the papers. _This should be enough for Hogarth._

“No, thanks.” She replies and lets him go.

When she’s about to walk away the two butch men block her way.

“Really?” she asks Michael who just shrugs in reply.

“You did wrinkle my suit.”

She rolls her eyes dramatically before pushing the slightly lighter looking bodyguard into the heavier one. The heavier man stays on his feet and pushes his colleague off of him with a grunt. Raven is determined not to let them know the extent of her strength and grabs a chair to throw at the guy. He doesn’t even try to dodge it and it lands on his head. It only seems to spur him on and Raven feels a sudden rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins.

When he rushes toward her, she smiles and his expression gives away his confusion but he doesn’t falter. How can he? This is his job and he’s not about to lose it to some girl.

She ducks as he rushes to land a punch on her face. She uses his velocity to her advantage and grabs his legs to throw him over her shoulder and back and into the ground. As she was standing near a wall, he effectively landed with his head on there as well. He’s not out but out of it enough as to not come at her right away so she uses the time to walk away.

More bodyguards and bouncers show up but Michael throws one hand into the air to signal them to let her pass.

As she walks away, he yells.

“Come back anytime. Like I said, I could use someone like you.”

She ignores him and doesn’t stop walking until she’s a block away from the club.

Her phone dings with a message and she smiles.

|| The money has been deposited into your account.

This is easy money and she likes it a lot. All that walking wore her out and she quickly realizes that it’s because there’s no alcohol in her system. It’s probably going to take a day before she has access to the money so she sucks it up and goes home.

She’s glad those stupid boxes don’t block the way to her apartment. Closing the door behind her, she flops down onto the couch with the intent to get a few hours of sleep.

The smell of pizza wakes her up. She can hear two people talking in front of _her_ door. The anger bubbles up from within as her frustration guides her toward her front door. She catches part of the conversation as she gets closer.

“Is that for me?” He pauses. “I... Mean... I didn’t expect you here. I’d love to take you out sometime if you’re still available.”

“I don’t know. This isn’t for… I-“

Raven recognizes the voice and doesn’t want her to agree to go out on a date with some guy _._ No way! She opens her front door rather roughly and she’s surprised to see who it was that Octavia was talking to. Of all people in the entire world, of course, it had to be this guy that felt the need to move in next door to her. It’s just her luck.

She realizes the conversation fell silent and they’re both staring at her now. She quickly clears her throat.

“I thought it was the delivery boy being stood up. Thought I’d take the pizza off his hands. Carry on.” And with that, she slammed the door shut.

Surging into the couch she puts in her earbuds and tries to block out the rest of the conversation. She clicks on a random song on a popular Spotify playlist. The country guitar in the beginning of the song calms her down but the lyrics do the complete opposite. The chorus makes her heart race and ache at the same time and the instrumental breakdown almost makes her burst out into tears.

She can’t help it if she projects the lyrics onto herself. Should she brace it all for her? Should she put her own heart on the line? Should she let her love rage on, or let her mind turn it into a raging hate instead? A raging regret filled with what if’s.

She's so lost in that Kygo song that she is oblivious to the fact that Octavia is standing in front of her. The smell of pizza seemingly coming from inside her apartment, makes her open her eyes in confusion.

Octavia kneels down and reaches her hand forward toward Raven who flinches slightly. The younger woman stops moving mid-air and their eyes connect. Octavia silently communicates for Raven to trust her and the only thing she can do in return is slowly nod as she’s unwilling to trust her own words now.

She doesn’t understand the caressing gesture she feels on her cheek. It isn’t until she sees the wetness on Octavia’s thumb that she realizes that those are tears. She wasn’t even aware she was crying. Raven tries to stay calm and control her breathing as Octavia continues to dry her face. It doesn’t take long before she can’t take it anymore and gets up.

Raven quickly wipes the remaining tears with the sleeve of her shirt as she asks the younger brunette what she wants to drink.

“What do you have?”

Damn, Octavia’s voice is so soft and she wants to capture it somehow and roll around in it. She’s glad that the woman doesn’t make a big deal out of her crying and forcing her to talk about it. Raven opens her fridge but is embarrassed to admit that there’s only a milk carton in it. Judging by the looks, it’s maybe a month overdue.

“Uhm… Tap water or whiskey?” she asks uncertainly.

“Whiskey will do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I overuse the word "she"? I think I did.. Might need to work on that. Sorry for the lack of updates but at least this chapter is the longest one so far? Let me know what you think and if there are any improvements I can make next time :).. Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on the last two chapters of Broken Souls: Raven drunk-dials Octavia who comes to her rescue. They have a small moment that leads to nothing. Octavia takes care of the problem when Raven gets mocked for walking 'weird' and gets something unexpected in return. Raven is confused by the influx of feelings and gets angry at herself but Octavia isn't one to back away so she drives them to Raven's house. She ends up spending the night there but nothing happens, damn it. In the morning Raven flees the apartment before Octavia wakes up, not wanting any awkward conversations. She picks up a freelance case of a nightclub owner, called Michael Swanson, not wanting to pay child-support. After fucking up some bouncers and bodyguards she completes her mission and has enough money for rent and liquor. When trying to get into her apartment, she almost trips over some boxes. Apparently she's getting a new neighbor - not that she gives a shit. Something wakes her up and when she opens her front door she's greeted by something she wishes she could erase from her retina's. She wallows in self-pity but Octavia, once again, saves the day. Sorta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the lack of updates. RL got in the way of my ability to write angst.. So you can expect fluff and sappiness sooner than I intended - maybe. Probably. Maybe not. I don't know. What was I saying again?
> 
> Anyways, it's a short chapter but a chapter nonetheless. I don't abandon my fics :)!

**|| 23 months ago**  
  
Raven was in a coma for four days before she finally regained consciousness. When she opened her eyes, Finn sat at her bedside. She was so happy to see him but didn't miss the split-second it caught him off guard to see her awake. He swiftly jumped out the chair he was sitting on and was hovering over her within three seconds.  
  
"Are you OK? Wait! Let me get a doctor in here."  
  
And with that, he left her all alone, confused as hell as to where she is and why she would need a doctor.  
  
But she wasn't alone. The moment Finn left, another familiar face popped up. It was Octavia who was seemingly sitting or lying on the floor in the corner of the room. The first thing Raven noticed was Octavia's smile. The second thing she noticed was how her stomach felt funny at the realization that Octavia smiled because of her.  
  
"How are you feeling, Rae? You scared the shit out of me, you know?" Octavia's voice is uncharacteristically soft and low.  
  
Raven frowned at her as she still wasn't sure what happened and how she ended up in what she thinks is a hospital room. Just as she was about to ask Octavia what was going on, Finn came back, dragging along someone in a white coat. It wasn't until that person stepped fully into her view that she recognized who it was.  
  
"Doctor G! Why does my back hurt like hell?"  
  
"Raven..." Abby's voice was gentle, way too gentle for Raven's liking.  
  
The doctor ghosted her hand across Raven's arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake. She sat on the edge of the bed and took the patient's hand in hers. This was Abby in mom-mode and not as a doctor. The moment that Raven realized that was when Abby looked back at her with glassy eyes.  
  
She had to avert her eyes and they landed on Finn who silently stood at the foot of her bed, listening with bated breath to what Dr. Griffin had to say. Raven noticed the bruises on his face and the bandage over his nose. Octavia was still standing at her bedside, not touching her but keeping her hand really close to her own.  
  
Abby took a deep breath and told her that the bullet lodged into her spinal cord and that she sustained sepsis from the blood that the bullet gathered when it briefly resided in another man before it entered her body.  
  
Raven only heard a few words such as 'bullet' and 'spinal cord' but it was enough for her to immediately move her limbs to see whether they still functioned. She had heard enough about the importance of the spinal cord when Clarke annoyed her with facts when studying for a pre-med exam.  
  
"Doc… I can't feel my…" her voice cracked but she tried to continue, "Abby, why can't I feel my leg? Why can't I…" she couldn't finish her sentence as her breathing started to accelerate and became shallow.  
  
Octavia took it as her cue to grab Raven's hand and draw reassuring circles with her thumb. "Breathe, Rae. Focus on me."  
  
And she did; at least for a few seconds. Just for a few seconds, there was nothing except for Octavia's green eyes looking straight back at her. But what Raven saw was pity, was sorrow, was pain. It wasn't love that she saw in those eyes. No matter how much she wanted it to be, it wasn't.  
  
So she snapped.  
  
"Out. Everyone get the fuck out."  
  
There were tears running down her cheeks and when Octavia moved closer to… To do what exactly? Raven didn't know. All she knew was that Octavia was moving closer to her and that it was out of pity.  
  
"Now," she growled while closing her eyes.  
  
She didn't need to see Octavia's reaction at her coldness.  
Didn't need anyone telling her that everything was going to be fine.  
Didn't need Finn standing there awkwardly like a sack of potatoes.  
Didn't need Abby feeling sorry for her.  
  
No. She didn't need all of that.  
  
It seemed to take forever before she heard shuffling of people leaving the room. When she opened her eyes again, only Abby was still there.  
  
They stared at each other wordlessly. Abby briefly closed her own eyes and cleared her throat. She knew that Raven wanted facts; needed facts and no emotions, so that's exactly what she as going to do now. Full-on doctor mode without attachments.  
  
She moved toward Raven's leg, motioning to it. "May I?"  
  
Raven nodded back, wiping away her tears.  
  
Abby told her to close her eyes. She started to palpate her toes and worked her way up until Raven said she could feel the pressure on her leg. It was just barely an inch below her knee until she could. When Raven opened her eyes and saw where Abby's hand lay on top of her leg, the tears were back.  
  
"This doesn't mean you will never regain use of your leg. Physical therapy goes a long way but Doctor Woods can fill you in on that much better than I can."  
  
She waited a few seconds to let it sink in, before continuing.  
  
"Now, I need you to focus for me, Raven. What do you remember about the accident?"  
  
Raven was silent for a few seconds before whispering a quiet and broken 'I don't know.'  
  
  
  
**|| Present time**  
  
"Octavia, I did not expect you here," Lexa says calmly as she unbuttons her blazer and drapes it over a chair. She straightens out her button up and rolls up her right sleeve all the way to her elbow. "Clarke is still at the studio, I think. Is there anything I can do for you?"  
  
Octavia had let herself in. After she broke in for the second time, Clarke and Lexa gave her a key figuring it was better than the prospect of having to bail the woman out after she inevitably got caught by someone other than them. At first, Clarke was dumbstruck when Lexa suggested giving Octavia a key but like always, Lexa looked at it logically. In the end, all that mattered was that Clarke trusted Octavia so by extension so did Lexa, she decided.  
  
"Actually, I wanted to talk to you."  
  
Lexa eyes Octavia carefully and can't help but snort at the way she's hanging upside down with her feet draped over the backside of the couch.  
  
"Of course, what can I help you with, Octavia?" Lexa says like she assesses a case, while she untucks her blouse from her dress pants and moves to sit on the loveseat opposite of Octavia.  
  
"Maybe, lose the lawyer act first? I know how you speak to Clarke. Maybe give me some of that actual human vibe, too?" It comes out in a light way and Lexa immediately drops the business-like tone of voice and sentence structure. She's thankful that Octavia speaks her mind and isn't afraid to confront her about anything. She thinks it's a really good personality trait.  
  
"Sorry, O." Lexa jokes. She never calls her O and finds it strange that just one letter can be a nickname.  
  
Octavia rolls her eyes. "Yeah, you're right. It does sound strange when you say that." She clears her throat as she takes a moment to collect her thoughts. Lexa patiently waits as she sees that Octavia has something serious on her mind. She knows that Octavia herself is unaware of it but one of the things she does is fidget with her watch if she's contemplating something.  
  
When Octavia doesn't speak for over a minute, Lexa asks her if she would like something to drink. When she doesn't get a reply, she brings back a glass of water and catches Octavia's eye with a soft smile.  
  
She doesn't know how to start, so she decides to just blurt it out. She sits up straight, against the couch instead of on it.  
  
"Lincoln is Raven's new neighbor."  
  
Lexa shoots her a confused look. If anything, she can only consider that a good thing. Her brother used to be Raven's doctor so if she's in any pain whatsoever, she could just bang on the wall really loud so to speak. "How is this a bad thing, again?"  
  
"Lexaaa!! How much do you know about Raven and us falling out of touch, to put it lightly?" Octavia flings her arms into the space around her and drops it over her face in defeat.  
  
"Not much, actually. Clarke never talks about it and I never asked."  
  
"She never told you?" Octavia asks while peeking through her hands.  
  
"No...?" Lexa answers hesitantly.  
  
"You're useless, Commander." Octavia shakes her head.  
  
Lexa rolls her eyes at the nickname. "I'm not-"  
  
"Clearly not when it concerns Clarke." she sighs, adding, "Have Clarke call me when she gets home."  
  
"Why don't you just call or text her yourself?"  
  
"You're cute when you're clueless," Octavia teases lightly again and causes Lexa to freeze on the spot.  
  
"Are you... Hitting on me, Octavia?"  
  
This is too good for Octavia to pass up on. She gets up off the floor, walks up toward Lexa and stops barely a step away, definitely in Lexa's personal space.  
  
"Maybe," she says while kissing Lexa on the cheek.  
  
Lexa is left there standing wide-eyed and unable to move.  
  
"Don't forget to tell Clarke to call me," Octavia yells out halfway through the door.

 **Text exchange 10 minutes later**  
|| Clarke: u need to stop this shit O. She was all hysterical thinking she cheated on me, u r lucky I know u this long.  
  
|| Octavia: I <3 u both, srry.  
  
|| Clarke: so what did u wanna talk abt?  
  
|| Octavia: drinks at Dropship?  
  
|| Clarke: be there in 20.

  
**  
  
"Oh damn, this might be a problem."  
  
"You think?!" Octavia exclaims with her arms flared out, acting like Clarke is confirming that the sky is indeed blue. "What am I supposed to do?"  
  
Clarke can barely make out the last part as Octavia buries her head in her arms on the table. She remains silent as she hopes that Octavia will look at her again. When she doesn't, Clarke asks a question.  
  
"Do you like him?"  
  
_Yes, but I think I love someone else._  
  
"No.. Yes.. Maybe. I don't know. You know what happened at the hospital… I can't date him, especially not now that he's Raven's neighbor.  
  
There's a crack in Octavia's voice when she said Raven's name and it's not the first time Clarke noticed the change in Octavia's whole demeanor at the mention of their friend. She decides to take a leap of fate which would either blow up in her face or they would finally make some kind of progress.  
  
"Do you like her?"  
  
Clarke eyes Octavia carefully and notices that she's holding her breath and that her hands are clutched into fists under the table. She knows she hit a spot but it's up to Octavia to either confirm or deny what Clarke now knows to be true anyway.  
  
"Who?" Octavia asks, trying to feign ignorance as she stares Clarke dead in the eyes.  
  
The blonde isn't gonna back down from this fight and stares right back. She raises one eyebrow at her but doesn't speak.  
  
Octavia knocks her head onto the table again in defeat after a few seconds and mumbles out a faint 'yes.'  
  
Clarke smiles warmly. "Like that?"  
  
It's quiet for over a minute and Clarke is about to change the subject when Octavia speaks again.  
  
"I have feelings yes, for a long time. That's why I broke it off with Derek, you know. He told me he loved me and I just couldn't return the sentiment with her on my mind as he was standing right in front of me."  
  
There are tears in Octavia's eyes and the blonde scoots over to sit next to her and hugs her the best she can in the position they find themselves in. It doesn't take long for Octavia to melt into the touch and shift properly to hug back as she sniffs in Clarke's hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can someone mush their heads together already? Clarke? CLARKE!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Broken Souls: we saw the direct aftermath of Raven's assault, that Dr. G referred to as something else ;). Octavia went to Lexa to get some advice about Lincoln being Raven's new neighbor. Unfortunately, poor Lexa is ignorant to the whole ordeal and is completely useless to Octavia. And last but not least, Clarke came along and made Octavia face her feelings out in the open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again, my apologies for not updating in a long while. I have a very general idea of where I want to take this fic. I'm done with the drama of them not talking to each other – in a way (you'll see what I mean next chapter). Thanks again for all your patience and for giving this fic a chance. I hope I don’t let you guys down (too much). So, without further ado, please enjoy this set-up for some action filled plot.

"You need to tell her," Clarke says determinately.

"She barely even talks, no, tolerates me as is… What would you like me to do?" Octavia rages but decides that it's not Clarke she's mad at. "Sorry," she whispers after sighing at her own outburst.

Clarke is quiet for a moment and contemplates her next words. She knows that Octavia is right, but there has to be something they can do... "An intervention?"

Before Octavia can comment on that obviously ridiculous idea, someone speaks up with an annoying high pitched voice.

"Octavia! It's so nice to see you here. Ohhh, and who is this?" She eyes Clarke and licks her lips not so subtly.

Octavia doesn't even need to look up to know who that is. It's bad enough that her boss demanded that she teaches her the ropes, and now she thinks they're friends or something.

"Harper, I didn't expect you at a venue like this." No, Harper is more of a three-star restaurant, VIP lounges kind of girl.

"Thought I'd switch it up for once, and boy, I should definitely do this more often," Harper says while winking at Clarke.

Before either Octavia or Clarke could chime in somehow, Harper already dove into a story of what happened the other day. Octavia only heard some words and turned those into a story: "an obnoxious guy attempted to murder me, but the crisis was averted by a hot crippled in a red leather jacket."

Of course, someone tried to murder her and some superhero saved her. It's that Octavia knows any mention of 'Daredevil' will just fly over Harper's head, or else she would've definitely said something about it. If she were to say anything anyway, she'd spent at least an hour explaining that she means a particular person instead of a noun to describe someone with this particular trait.

"Right. OK," Clarke drags out the words after Harper seemingly finished her story, "Well, Harper, it's nice to meet you. And good to hear there's someone out there seeking justice, but unfortunately, Octavia and I really need to finish our conversation... If you don't mind?" Clarke smiles at her and hopes that it would be enough of a hint to get Harper to back off and leave them alone.

She couldn't have been more wrong.

"So, what are we drinking?" Harper asks while completely ignoring what Clarke just said. She dumps her purse on the table and grabs a chair next to Octavia and opposite of Clarke.

Just as Clarke is about to speak, Harper speaks up again. "We should definitely do this more often. H-hey, Octavia why are you so sad?" Harper frowns for a split second but apparently likes the sound of her own voice too much to give anyone else an opportunity to speak. "It's the perfect evening. We should totally go clubbing after this. Oh, shall I grab some drinks for us? I see there aren't even any waiters here. What kind of place is this? OK, I'm getting us something good. Be right back, girls!"

Clarke cannot believe she just said all that in a single breath. Octavia moves her head from the table and when it has registered in her brain that Harper left, she gets up and drags Clarke along.

"Quick!" In total confusion, Clarke doesn't let herself get pushed toward the exit. "Damn it, Clarke! Let's go!!"

After Clarke catches Octavia's drift, they quickly make an exit. When they're outside, Octavia realizes that she actually has to work with this woman. She cannot leave without a word as it would ruin the professional relationship as well. So, she tells Clarke to wait for a second and walks back inside.

When she comes back out after more than 'just a second or even a minute', Clarke gives her an expectant look. "Don't ask," Octavia says while shaking her head and starts walking. Clarke knows better than to bother her now, so she'll just ask later.

**

Raven is doing push-ups in her living room. She desperately needs to take her mind off of things but it's proving rather difficult as Lincoln seems to be busy with a drill machine for the past hour or so.

"I will kill this idiot one day," she mutters to herself.

Deciding she needs to be out of this apartment, she grabs her red leather jacket and tugs on her boots. As she fishes the keys out of her pocket to unlock her front door, she drops something on the ground but doesn't notice as her eyes caught something else entirely. Her eyes landed on the window looking out at the apartment complex on the opposite side of the road. She could've sworn someone was looking right at her, but when she looked again, there was no one there. _Odd._

Raven closes the door behind her and locks it. Not that it really makes a difference anyway, she thinks. Lincoln's door is slightly ajar but she pays it no mind and exists the apartment complex. That's when she bumps into someone, or as Raven likes to think, someone bumps into her.

"Watch where you're going assh-, " Raven's words die on her lips as she looks at the person she collided with.

Recognition flickers in the other person's eyes as well. They only met a handful of times as it wasn't that long before Raven started to distance herself from everyone around her.

"Sorry, Raven, but you are the one that should pay more attention," she states calmly with perfect punctuation.

Raven takes in her full figure before remembering that this lady is a lawyer. "Right, Woods. My bad," she spits sarcastically and resumes her walk. She hears Lexa let out a sigh behind her but doesn't glance back.

**

Lexa sighs and turns to enter the apartment complex. She knows she probably shouldn't have said what she had said. "There has to be a way to fix all this," she quietly whispers to herself.

Lincoln's door is slightly ajar. Peeking through, she can see her cousin trying to put some sort of cabinet together. She pushes the door open but he doesn't notice her. She looks at him for a few moments until she cannot take it anymore. Lincoln is trying to attach two pieces of wood that shouldn't even be near each other.

"Give me all your money!" she says in the deepest, lowest voice she can muster.

"Hi, Commander," Lincoln says without looking up.

"How did you kno- Hey! Wait. I told you not to call me that…" She ventures into his living room but not before closing his front door.

"You make it too easy, kid." Lincoln looks up and gives her a bright smile.

Lexa rolls her eyes and sits down at the only spot on the sofa not occupied by boxes.

"Linc?" Lexa inquires. When he looks up, she continues: "Can we talk for a sec?"

Her voice sounds uncharacteristically uncertain and Lincoln immediately drops what he's doing and turns to her. He motions for her to continue.

The silence stretches for a few seconds as Lexa doesn't know how to approach the subject. She decides it's of no use to do this diplomatically.

"What's the story between you and Raven?"

Lincoln furrows his brows in deep thought. He had known that this question was bound to come sooner than later but on the other hand didn't really expect her to either. He had figured that Clarke would've told her and that everything would've already been said.

"You don't know?"

"Why are you all so surprised that I don't?! Lexa calls out exasperated.

"Who's 'all'? Lincoln asks genuinely intrigued.

"Not important, tell me Linc."

"Right…"

Lincoln goes on to tell Lexa the story. At first, he's sitting on the coffee table, sitting opposite of her, but as he continues to speak he starts to pace around his living room, expertly avoiding all the parts of his cabinet scattered around the room.

"But..." Lexa stops in deep thought, "it's not your fault then, is it?"

"It kinda is Lex, I told her it was vital to have those treatments and operation last performed on her and I never told her the true reason of it. I failed as her doctor, listening to my boss while I swore an oath to do no harm."

"Technically, you did no harm.. I mean there was a chance it could get better," Lexa tries to reason.

"Would you really see it that way if it was you?"

Lexa doesn't reply and they both know the reason behind it.

**

Raven knows Octavia is in her apartment before she even closes the door.

"Took you long enough! Brought you your shirt back," Octavia yells slightly muffled from Raven's living room.

 _OK, then.. Why are you still here? Wait. Why is that the first thing I think of?! You annoy me, Reyes. I'm you. You're me. What?! Stop. Stop this nonsense._ Raven takes a deep breath to calm herself down.

"Thanks, O. What can I do for you?" She walks up to Octavia who's lying on her sofa with some Ben and Jerry's balanced on her stomach and a spoon in her mouth."

"Is that my...? Nevermind. What do you want?" Raven doesn't mean to be so rude but this whole Lincoln-thing has got her patience up to minus eight.

"Wow. OK, I'm sorry, I.. Sorry." Octavia sputters out the words as she leaves the ice cream on the coffee table and practically runs up to the door. If Raven was paying more attention to her instead of her inner battle, she would've noticed that Octavia is on the verge of tears. Her voice is small, her actions are tentative like she's afraid of being scolded, yet hastily like she wants to get out of there as fast as she can.

Although Octavia is already at the door, it doesn't get slammed shut immediately. Raven is a split second too late as it indeed does slam shut as she turns around.

"Well done, Reyes. Well done," she whispers to herself. Instead of going after Octavia, she picks up the ice cream and takes it with her to her bedroom.

**

"Hey babe, I'm in the kitchen!" Clarke yells out as she hears the front door close.

"Hey, sorry. It's me," Octavia drawls defeated as she slumps forward and straight into Clarke's embrace.

"What happened, O? Are you OK?" Clarke questions as she tries to soothe the girl in her arms. As Octavia full-on breaks down, she gently strokes her back and draws circles on it. When Octavia's breathing seems to settle down a little, she guides the two of them towards her couch.

"O, tell me…"

"I.. Wanted to surprise... She told me to get out.. I.. She.. Harper.. Why.. I don't understand." Octavia sobs and nearly hyperventilates.

The words 'that makes two of us' almost leave Clarke's lips. Instead, she waits for Octavia to make sense.

Clarke coaxes Octavia to sit down. Clarke doesn't say anything and just lets Octavia get things together in her head.

Octavia curls up into a ball on Clarke's couch and sobs into the pillow lying there. Because Clarke doesn't want to patronize her, she doesn't touch her. If Octavia wants to be held she will either verbally or non-verbally ask for it.

When Octavia seems to have calmed down, Clarke scoots closer to her and Octavia immediately hugs her. "It's gonna be OK," Clarke soothes her. "Tell me what happened."

Octavia tells her about bringing Raven her shirt back and how she got bored waiting around for her. She got some ice cream and made herself comfortable. Clarke has to fight not to snort because that's such an Octavia thing to do.

"She probably didn't mean it like that but she basically told me to fuck off. On my way out, I saw a business card lying on the floor and it was from Harper. I didn't even know that they knew each other. How do they know each other, Clarke? Am I missing something? Is that why she's so distant with me again?"

"I.. I don't know what the story is, O. Did you ask?" Clarke eyes her and immediately knows the answer. "Maybe you should. It could be nothing. Maybe she needed some help with her brace?"

As soon as Clarke said that last sentence she knew she made it worse. Octavia starts crying again and they both know that there's no one more capable than Octavia when it comes to that brace.

Clarke is about to rectify her mistake when they hear someone putting their key in the front door lock. Lexa slumps through the hallway and is about to face-plant herself onto the couch until she sees it's already occupied by two.

Clarke gestures sympathetically toward Octavia but raises an eyebrow at the state that her girlfriend is in. Lexa shrugs it off and goes into the bedroom instead. She's still fully clothed lying on top of the duvet when Clarke walks in some time later. "Hey babe, are you OK?"

"Yea, I talked to Linc about Raven. Also, bumped into her on the way there. Didn't go well. I feel more drained than after a hearing that didn't go as planned." Lexa drawls defeated.

"OK, probably not a good idea then, but could you watch O while I go talk to Raven? It hurts me to see O like this all the time."

"Don't you wanna know what we talked about?" Lexa asks.

Clarke figures it would be better to hear it all from Raven and rewards Lexa with a kiss when she agrees to keep an eye on the brunette while she's gone.

She marches up to Raven's front door, determined not to let Raven push her away. Determined not to let the brunette leave until they've spoken. No. This time, they are going to talk and get _everything_ out in the open, once and for all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ehm, what just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking that, maybe, if the chapters are shorter, I would be able to update more frequently.. So, for now, here you have it. Enjoy!

Clarke marches up to Raven's front door. She's determined not to let Raven push her away. No, this time they are going to talk and get everything out in the open, once and for all.

She knocks loudly on the front door. It might be too aggressive, but Clarke can't make herself care right now. She hears music blasting from inside, so she knows that Raven is home.

When a minute passes and she's still standing in front of a closed door, Clarke grows a little more pissed.

"Raven, open the fucking door!" she yells while slamming her left fist on the door. She wiggles the doorknob out of sheer frustration and to her surprise it actually opens.

She pushes the door open just a bit before she calls out uncertainly. "Raven?"

 

After there's no reply yet again, she grabs a pen out of her bag and pokes her head through the door. She sees Raven sitting on the couch in a wide stance with her elbows on her knees. It seems like Raven is lost in thought, looking intently at something on her flipped over coffee table. Whatever she's looking at is in between two small loudspeakers currently blasting some old Linkin Park song.

"What the hell is going on?!" Clarke whispers more to herself than to Raven who is still oblivious to her arrival. She slowly walks up to her and clears her throat in an exaggerating manner as to not startle the clearly disturbed woman.

Raven's eyebrows shoot up in surprise for a split-second before turning into a wide-eyed stare that Clarke thinks looks an awful lot like actual fear. She shoots up from the couch and runs toward the window to peek a glance outside. She's almost sure she sees the curtains move from that same apartment as before.

Clarke doesn't understand Raven's wariness nor her frantic movements but just as she's about to ask Raven what's going on, the latter walks up to her and puts a finger to her own lips. Raven then points to the small device tethered to the coffee table.

The blonde is almost ready to call the psych department to keep a room at the ready, but when she moves closer she sees it. She gets it. She had seen those things in movies before.

It's a bug. As in a listening device.

 

She stops herself from speaking and grabs her phone from her pocket to type out a message.

|| Bug?

Raven nods her head.

|| Y? How?

Raven shrugs and frantically moves her arms around to gesture that there was nothing of value here and then pointed to herself and shrugs again.

They are both silent, looking at the adhered device.

Clarke is so confused at the whole situation that it's getting hard to process.

 

There's a bug in Raven's apartment.  
Raven is actually communicating with her.  
No one stormed out yet.

 

Clarke wants to redirect the conversation - wait, was this even a conversation, to begin with? - to what she actually came here for, while Raven is trying to figure out who put this inside her apartment and why.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Raven marches past Clarke, out her apartment and into her hallway.

~~No one stormed out yet.~~

"Well, at least it took a few minutes this time," Clarke mutters under her breath and follows Raven out. When she's caught up, Raven is already pounding on Lincoln's door.

 

"Open it, you coward!" Raven yells through the door. She doesn't wait for him to open the door and twists the doorknob. It was locked but opened anyway. Clarke didn't seem to notice, but a wide-eyed Lincoln certainly did as he was just about to open the door when he heard something snap in the lock.

"Raven? What? How? I? What happened?!" he asks. His mouth hangs open as he cannot formulate a proper sentence.

"Like you don't know!" She points her finger at him accusingly, causing him to back up a little.

"I honestly don't know! How did you even get in?" he asks exasperatedly.

"Quit changing the subject. What is that bug doing in that apartment, huh? Why are you spying on me?" She takes a menacing step forward.

 

"What," she taps on his sternum with a single finger eliciting much more force that humanly possible, while Lincoln tries to resist.

"do," she pushes him back with both hands on his shoulders causing him to fall backward.

"you," she towers over him now.

"want!?" she shouts at him. Her hands are clenched into fists at her side and she's breathing heavily.

 

Clarke stands there in shock at the scene that just played out. Of course, she thinks that Lincoln is just being a gentleman that doesn't hit women nor wants to fight back, but the way that Raven handled it impressed her nonetheless.

"Raven," Lincoln starts, his hands going up in surrender, "I honestly don't have any idea what you're talking about. I swear that I haven't even set foot in your apartment."

There's something about the way that he says it that hits Raven and she stops breathing altogether. He sounded sincere and his voice maybe even carried a hint of disappointment. The latter confuses her but this is not the moment to dwell on it.

Against better judgment - and Lincoln's surprise - Raven offers up her hand to help him get up. After only a split-second hesitation, he accepts.

Even before Lincoln gets his bearings himself, Raven helps him off the floor. He furrows his eyebrows in thought but doesn't dare to say anything that will set Raven off again.

Clarke still hasn't spoken a word or done anything. She's glad that they seemed to have resolved the issue as she can't really pick sides here. Lincoln is somewhat of a brother-in-law to her and Raven used to be one of her best friends…

"So.. If it's not you..." Raven muses out loud. She tries to figure out who it can be. She doesn't really communicate with anyone and the fact that she doesn't work anywhere only reinforces that.

Finn left her a lot of money before he went AWOL; in cash, nonetheless. He had left it in a bag beside her bed in the hospital with a note on top. It's the last thing she heard from him and as far as she knows the others didn't have any contact with him either. At first, she was afraid to use it. Who knows where he got it from. Yet, the note stated that it come out of his own trust fund and that it was legit money. It also said that he was sorry but couldn't handle the situation. He kept the note as vague as possible. Raven figured it was because he didn't want their friends to know what a coward he was. They didn't believe her when she started to remember, chalking it up to the mind trying to piece things together wrongly. Either way, Raven used the money to pay the bills, never for something extravagant, just enough for the bare essentials. Paying for her housing and food was the least he could do for ruining her life.

There's only one conclusion possible and that is that this isn't about her. But if it isn't, then what is this all about?

_Octavia._

"Octavia," Raven breathes out now.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think my dialogue is a little off in this one; my apologies.

The pair tries to shake Raven out of her thoughts, asking her to repeat what she just said. It's like Raven is in her own world as she's completely non-responsive to the shakes and calls from either Clarke or Lincoln.

"Clarke, where's O?" Raven finally voices. She's still lost in thoughts and doesn't respond to their concerns.

The blonde answers confusedly and not a second later, Raven storms out of Lincoln's apartment only to stop near the elevator.

"I don't know where you live. I don't even know where you live," Raven says with a pained smile when Clarke and Lincoln catch up with her.

"Raven, calm down. What's going on? What about O?" Raven isn't making any sense right now.

"Clarke, damn it. Get me to her now." She leaves no room for anything other than Clarke to comply with her request.

Clarke remains silence for a few seconds, trying to figure out what's going on. She figures that all of them meeting is actually not a bad idea, so she acquiesces. "Follow me."

They all get into Clarke's car, and Raven is too preoccupied with thoughts of Octavia to even question why the hell Lincoln is joining them. Raven tries to call Octavia, but it goes straight to voicemail. "Step on it, princess." The nickname rolls off her tongue with such ease that it catches Clarke off guard. Are they on nickname basis already, now?

"Tell me what's going on, or I'm not moving any faster." Clarke knows she's playing a dangerous game but figures that this cannot get any worse anyway.

Raven is getting angry because how can Clarke not understand the gravity of this situation?! But then it hits her. Like always, she keeps things to herself. Not willing to explain or waste any time on it. Like always, she keeps her walls up; only communicating what's absolutely essential. When did she come to be like this? Maybe, it needs to stop. Maybe. But not now. There are far more important matters, like making sure that Octavia is alright.

"I need to know if she's OK, Clarke."

It's the most vulnerable that Clarke has heard her thus far and an eerie feeling manifests in the pit of her stomach. She looks away from the road and toward Raven for a second or two before looking back. In those second, she saw everything she needed to know. Raven is genuinely scared for Octavia, which meant that Raven definitely cares for the woman as well.

"OK, here's my phone. The passcode is 0307. Call Lexa, she should be with O right now."

Raven grabs the phone from Clarke's hand who is now fully focused on the road again. When Clarke doesn't hear any movement next to her, she peeks a few glances over toward the Raven. Realization dawns on her. "Hey, Raven. It's OK. I know about the run-in the two of you had. Just call and ask to speak to O, or whether she's OK and that the both of them should stay there until we get there?" Clarke smiles softly at her before looking back at the road in front of them. They're only a minute or 3 away but the stoplights are playing a game neither of them like.

Raven, surprisingly enough finds Lexa under that exact name in her list. She clicks on it and swallows hard when it begins to ring in her ear.

She can't do this. Her voice catches in her throat before any words even come out.

Clarke puts her hand on Raven's knee who immediately tenses at the touch. Still, Clarke doesn't remove it. She's driving an automatic so it's not like she needs her hand back right now.

"This is the voicemail of Lexa Woods. I'm sorry, but -" Raven disconnects the call.

"Fuck!" she yells out.

"Maybe, they're sleeping. Lexa seemed rather exhausted and Octavia didn't look all that fresh either. I'm sure everything is OK." Clarke isn't sure if she said that for Raven's benefit or her own. That eerie feeling, now a dreadful one.

It takes them another 6 minutes to arrive at Clarke's place, and Raven immediately jumps out of the car before remembering that she has no idea what number Clarke lives on.

"Come on," Lincoln says while Clarke goes to park her car.

They make it into the lobby, get into the elevator and arrive at Clarke's floor. Lincoln takes the lead towards Clarke's apartment when Raven notices something near the door toward the staircase. It seemed like pieces of a phone.

When Lincoln arrives at the door and starts knocking and ringing the doorbell obnoxiously, he looks around to see Raven hunched over something a few meters back.

"Raven, what is it?"

"Her phone.. - "

At the same time, Lexa opens her front door. "- Hey, Linc. Do you mind? You have a key, don't you? Jeez, I was taking a nap."

"It's her phone.." Raven says loud enough but more to herself than anyone else. She tries to piece together the phone but the screen is cracked and the battery is crushed. It won't turn on.

Clarke exits the elevator just in time.

"Lex, where's O?" She asks hurriedly when she sees her girlfriend staring at Lincoln in her confused sleep-like state.

"She left like 10 to 15 minutes ago. Why, what's wrong? Why are you all here?"

"They took her," Raven states rather firmly.

"Who took her, where?!" Lexa yells back, all sleep suddenly gone from her body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excellent question, Lexa!


	9. Chapter 9

Raven lies on a couch with her fists clenched beside her body. She has no idea how she got there and whose house this is, but she has far more important matters to focus on.

She vaguely hears Lexa on the phone with someone. Clarke doesn't seem to be here. And Lincoln? Raven spots him on the floor with pen and paper. She furrows her eyebrows in confusion and gets up.

Lincoln immediately notices her and carefully tears the page he was working on off and slips it in his pocket. "Are you OK?"

The words spoken seem alien to Raven. No one is taking any action and it hurts. It hurts Raven to an extent she didn't think possible. Her heart breaks for Octavia and she has to refrain from lashing out.

Before Raven can say a word, either good or bad, Lexa ends the phone call and addresses them. "Cops are on the way here and up Raven's. Clarke notified me that she isn't home nor at work, and well, Lincoln tried all of O's friends and coworkers we had numbers of but to no avail." Her voice is level and even to the untrained ear, but Raven can hear the slight tremble and maybe a hint of anger in it.

Raven opens her mouth to ask a question but Lexa beats her to it. "She left probably 10 minutes before you all arrived. Said she received a message from you," Lexa nods to Raven, "and she said that she needed to speak to you, so I let her go."

"I never sent her a message," Raven trails off. She takes out her own phone and goes through her messages, just to be sure.

"-So either Octavia lied, or someone lured her away," Lexa finishes the sentence. "Looking at the pieces of her phone over there, I'd say the latter. I would've suspected you, if not for the fact that Clarke can vouch for you."

Raven definitely deserves that last remark. She has been a terrible friend to all of them. She doesn't even know Lexa at all, other than that she is Clarke's girlfriend and Lincoln's sister. It is sad, really.

But she can't cope with sadness. She can, however, cope with anger fairly well. Anger, rage, aggression; those are things she can spar with. So, her being her, she charges at Lincoln.

"You came back, and everything went to Hell."

Lincoln lets himself be pushed up against the wall, he lets himself get cornered and he will take any blow that Raven would give him, no retaliation whatsoever.

But she doesn't.

She lets him go, a weak 'sorry" leaves her lips and she remembers what Lexa just said. The police were also going to her house; why?

"My place? Why are the cops coming to my place?"

Lexa narrows her eyes at her, figuring out whether she's for real right now.

"The bug? Also, why would there be a bug in your apartment Raven? What have you gotten Octavia into?!" She raises her voice and this is a big deal as she rarely ever does. Raven wouldn't know about that, though.

_Right._

"Wait! I gotta get there first," Raven says more to herself than anyone else and is already halfway through the door before Lexa can grill her with questions.

_That person watching me. Maybe it wasn't my imagination after all. I know I saw something. I'm going to kill them._

**

Lincoln rushes after Raven whose walking toward the subway station. "I've got Lexa's car. Come on."

He starts to walk away in hopes that Raven will follow him. She stands still in the middle of the road, thinking about why Lincoln is so nice to her while she has been nothing but aggressive toward him. She knows that he doesn't deserve it. That he was just trying to help back then, as it looks like he's doing right now.

She decides to put her pride aside for Octavia and joins him in the car. The ride back to their apartment complex is silent. There are things that need to be said but neither think that this is the right time for it.

It looks like Lincoln is contemplating on what to say. Going in the same direction as Lexa and ask about how Raven is linked to Octavia's disappearing or try to pry information out of her by showing signs of support.

He chooses the latter as he finally asks his question when their apartment complex comes into view. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Raven breathes out.

She doesn't have a plan, really. This is nothing but pure adrenaline. She jumps out of her car and hesitates on what to do first. She wants to call them out by using the bug, but she also wants to know whether that neighbor is in on it or whether it's just her stupid imagination. She decides that it's best to get to the bug first before the police confiscate it.

When they enter her apartment she immediately ushers Lincoln over and points toward the apartment on the opposite site of the street, that basically looks straight into hers. She whispers to be as hidden as possible and look for any kind of movement.

As he nods to follow her command, she goes to sit on the couch and look at the bug still attached to the flipped over coffee table. She sighs, where should she begin?

"Give Octavia back. Evidently, it's me that you want. Me, in exchange for her. Call me."

Raven doesn't see Lincoln furrowing his eyebrows as this new information washes over him. She says her phone number two times slowly and hopes it will ring. When it doesn't and is about to smash the damn device or do something equally as stupid, Lincoln demands her attention by jumping in his place.

He points to the apartment but Raven is too slow to see anything. She matches over to the apartment instead with Lincoln in tow. Her leg is starting to hurt but she focuses on filtering the pain out.

Lincoln asks her what's going on, as he's confused over why he had to keep a lookout and why they're going there now.

Raven doesn't answer him.

Just as they exit the elevator and walk through the hallway toward the right apartment, some guy exists it in a hurry with an envelope in his hand.

Raven grabs him by the collar without a word and backs him up against his own front door. Lincoln starts to intervene by reaching out until he notices that the guys' feet aren't touching the floor anymore.

He's stunned seeing her strength. "Raven? What... What?" Lincoln stammers out. Raven is too preoccupied to even hear Lincoln's awe.

"Tell me where Octavia is," Raven spits out in the guys face.

Some incoherent sounds follow as Raven is effectively blocking off his oxygen flow. She loosens her grip so he can touch the floor by standing on his tippy toes.

"I.. I.. Don't.. Know."

She lifts him up again, even higher than before.

"You know, what Octavia did to your friend isn't even close to what I'll do to you."

Lincoln finally realizes that they know each other somehow.

"Messenger. I am. Have message." is what Lincoln thinks the guy is saying.

"Let him speak. He isn't of use when he's out cold," Lincoln says.

Raven snaps her head back at him for butting in. She wants to tell him off and again wonders what the hell he's still doing here. Instead, she breathes in and out a few times and tries to make her anger dissipate, if only a little.

She releases the guy but stays on him so he cannot escape.

He inhales deeply and starts to cough. Raven gives him a few seconds before she would hit him in the abdomen or something.

"I'm just the messenger. I don't know anything. They said to give you this." He slowly reaches for the envelope that fell to the floor when Raven lifted him.

She gives the envelope to Lincoln and asks him to read it out loud.

 

> **If you ever want to see her again, go to the docks alone. Friday, 2.30PM**

She knocks the guy unconscious with a single blow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I know you guys have many questions about this story and they will be answered in due time. My only mistake is writing this fic on a per chapter basis. I did not have an outline and wasn't even sure where I was taking the story, so in other words, this story is writing itself. That being said, I am aware of the 'gap' in information as to how Raven connected the dots between what little I shared about her being watched (I only sprinkled some lines about that, and only in the more recent chapters) and Octavia's disappearance.
> 
> I will start the next chapter with something of a flashback where I will try to walk you through some of the main points to make everything just a bit more coherent (as I realized that some of you are having problems with that).
> 
> That being said, there are no mistakes in the storyline, so I'm not gonna overthrow things or write something that's questionable in terms of believability.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and your continued support. Hit me up with a comment if you're still with me :)..


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back. I'm so sorry for not having updated in so long. I haven't written anything for a few months so I apologize if this chapter feels off.
> 
> I know I promised a flashback where things would be elaborated, but I decided against that. Instead, I'm giving you a very brief flashback that just raises more questions, because why not? ;)..

**|| Two weeks ago**  
Her legs hurt but she kept moving forward. She was a long way from home but refused to take a cab. Raven needed to clear her head and so she walked. It helped, if only a little. To be fair, the only reason it helped was because the pain kept her mind preoccupied. She felt almost calm, zen-like.

A guy she didn't pay attention to, bumped into her. She knew it was largely her own fault for walking on the wrong side - and that was why he was lucky enough not to get hurt by her that day.

The sun made way for the moon to take up space in the sky hours ago. When she felt hungry beyond belief she stepped into a diner. Before the waitress could even greet her, she ordered a burger with whiskey. They only served one kind, and somehow she was sure they have it especially for her, but it was all the same to her anyway.

She had once broken a chair in two when they told her they didn't have any hard liquor. In her defense, she had a tough day - week actually and got into a fight not an hour before.

After eating all of it in record time, she left a twenty on the table and walked out. She didn't notice a man following her out. Or in, for that matter.

 

"Target did not take the bait, I repeat target did not take the bait. Further instructions?"

The man listened closely to the voice that spoke directly into his ear and nodded to himself.

"Roger that, sir."

 

**|| Present time  
** Raven drags the unconscious man into his own apartment with a flabbergasted Lincoln in tow. "Search the apartment," she orders Lincoln before she goes and does the same.

The apartment is vacant, save for a mattress with a pillow in the middle of the leaving room and a telescope fitted with a camera that is pointed directly at Raven's apartment.

A small notebook laid on the floor next to the makeshift bed. Raven picked it up and started to flick through it. Apart from dates, she couldn't tell what it said as it was written in some kind of foreign language.

"What's that?" Lincoln asks after he comes up empty.

"Some sort of code. Maybe detailling when I was home, what I was doing or whom I was with?" She replies and hands him the notebook.

Lincoln makes a noise that doesn't sound like confusion, but more like recognition. "Do you know what this is?"

"No, I don't.. But I think I've seen something like this before. My old boss used something like this but he said he made it up himself. Said that if you want something to be truly secret, you need to start from scratch and build it up."

All Raven hears is that he doesn't know what it is. Her mind is working overtime trying to figure out what her next move should be. She looks over to the floor and sees that the guy is still out cold. _So much for interrogating him_.

"Wait, Raven," Lincoln says while his eyes are still fixed on the notebook.

"This right here," he taps one of the pages near the end of the book, "is an actual language."

He allows Raven to look at it, but she doesn't see what he does and she's getting a little impatient with him. "What is it?!" She says, a little too loud.

"It uses the Latin alphabet. Everything is written backward. See, it's because every sentence still begins with something you would say is a capital 'letter' you wouldn't look passed it. It's actually every last letter of the last word that's capitalized. He tried to mask the fact by obscuring where he started to write but this isn't that advanced now that I see this page."

Raven ignores his ingenuity and asks him to type out what it says on her phone. He types in the first sentence and she throws it into Google translate.

"It's gibberish, it's not a known language, damn it," Raven says.

Lincoln just stares right at the phone as he cannot believe his eyes. It most definitely is a language.

"I need to speak to my sister."

**

"OK, she's here, we're all here. Now tell me what the hell is going on," Raven demands as soon as they get back to Clarke and Lexa's apartment. The whole way back, Lincoln refused to say a word, lost in his own mind.

Lincoln walks up to Lexa and shoves her into the bedroom before closing the door.

 

Raven looks at the display with an open mouth and her fists are starting to get real itchy. Luckily, Clarke's voice draws her back to Earth.

"What?" Raven asks.

"What is going on?" Clarke asks.

"We confronted the person keeping an eye on me. You know, the one I saw looking into my apartment..." She resumes when Clarke nods her head in acknowledgment, "He had a message to me. Where to go if I wanted to see O again. We searched his apartment and found a notebook with weird scribblings in it. I think it means something to Lincoln but he refused to say anything."

Clarke asks to see the notebook and Raven hands it over. "I.. I can't read this?" Clarke half asks half states.

"I thought so too, but apparently something in there translates to this," she grabs her phone and turns the screen to Clarke.

Clarke's nose scrunches up in thought.

> Lok kom hodness  //target in love//

"Love?" Clarke breathes out in confusion.

 Just as Raven is about to ask what Clarke means by saying that, Lincoln and Lexa step out of the bedroom.

"Raven, do you recognize this language?" Lexa asks.

Raven flings her hands into the air around her in frustration, as if it wasn't completely obvious this whole situation has taken an 180 and she no longer has a clue what's going on.

"No!" she yells out, not caring that she's making a bit of a scene.

"It's the language Lincoln and I have been taught as kids," Lexa continues.

"I think this kidnapping might not have exclusively to do with you anymore. Maybe it's about me instead," Lexa says. She sits down on the couch and Lincoln, and Clarke follow. Raven stays put right where she's standing. Lexa takes a steadying breath, clearly disturbed at having to relay information about her past she would rather keep buried away. As Clarke takes Lexa's hand in hers, the brunette shares her story.

She tells Clarke and Raven about her early childhood and how she was meant to be the next leader of not only their clan but of the alliance of clans known simply as the Twelve Clans. The spirits had chosen her even before she learned how to fight properly. When the leader of a clan, known to have a shaky alliance to the other clans, found out that Lexa was being recruited and trained heavily they plotted a plan to kill her and thus take control of the Twelve Clans by force. Lexa's clan tried to reason with them, but when that didn't work they had Lexa run and promise to never come back again. They made Lincoln come with her as protection but couldn't afford any more men as they had to defend their selves while making sure that no one was following them."

Raven listened closely to the story that peaked her interest the more Lexa shared. Clarke was torn between being there for her girlfriend and feeling sad or even betrayed that Lexa never confided the whole story to her. As Lexa finished speaking, Clarke let go of her hand and got up to rummage through the kitchen cabinets. The action didn't go unnoticed by Raven, but she had more pressing matters to attend to.

"So, what does this mean? Why were they staking out my place and not yours?! Why didn't they take Clarke instead?! Raven was fuming with anger that she directed at the wrong person. It was a low blow to hope that Clarke would've been taken instead.

There must be some kind of connection they've been missing. It was more than mere coincidence that Raven was being watched. But the notebook confirms that Lexa plays a part in this as well. Everything was just a big mess that no one could seem to figure out.

"Wait, what did you guys do with the guy this notebook belongs to?" Clarke asks from the kitchen.

Raven and Lincoln share a look before he clears his throat and shares he's still in the trunk of Lexa's car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you all know, I will **not** abandon this fic. I **will** finish it one way or another. I just cannot tell you when that will be.
> 
> Remember, comments are fuel for the writer :)! Thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in this fandom. Please let me know what you guys think (either good or bad) :)!


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